Tag Archives: Friendship

Response to the new LDS policy on Same-sex parents.

I was prompted to share the thoughts that I shared on facebook.

Pulled from the article through LDS Deseret News. While this does not generally affect me individually — Unless my father starts to think this means disowning his children (again, yes he has done this before for less specific doctrine) It is still wrong.

”  “a natural or adopted child of a parent living in a same-gender relationship, whether the couple is married or cohabiting, may not receive a name and a blessing.” Although children are not officially considered members of the LDS Church until they are baptized at age 8, the blessing of a child creates a membership record

The handbook addition also states that “a natural or adopted child of a parent living in a same-gender relationship, whether the couple is married or cohabiting,” can only be baptized, confirmed, ordained to the priesthood or serve a full-time mission with approval from the Office of the First Presidency. A mission or stake president may request approval and determine that: “the child accepts and is committed to live the teachings and doctrine of the church, and specifically disavows the practice of same-gender cohabitation and marriage”; and “the child is of legal age and does not live with a parent who has lived or currently lives in a same-gender cohabitation relationship or marriage.”  “

What this means to LGBT LDS? If you have children with a same sex partner. OR if you had a opposite-sex marriage and later a same-sex partnership or marriage, than your children CANNOT be an LDS member. ALSO you will be “disciplined” by the church.
While many members believe that disavowing the practice of same-gender marriage is for themselves only. If you continue, the child had to be of legal age and not living with a parent who has.

And I ask, HOW IS THIS NOT PUTTING RELIGION BEFORE FAMILY.

Growing up, I was raised LDS. We were taught to love one another and to love and accept our neighbor regardless of differences. (older it was “If you neighbor is not LDS, try to force them to go to church with you. We will give you candy if you bring someone new to church.” Bribery is not religious.)

This to me is not showing love or respect. It is not showing putting the family first. It is not supporting family at all.

According to teachings, God created us all. I was born gay. My first crush was when I was 4 years old. My first love was when I was in 3rd grade. Though being brought up LDS blinded me to what my feelings were. I have NEVER ONCE BEEN ATTRACTED TO A MAN.

This does not mean that I do not want children. It does not mean that I do not want love. My father assumed that my being lesbian meant that I was Promiscuous. HA! I have only had sex with two people. One of them I was MARRIED TO!!!!!

As a lesbian, I am just like any other woman. I want love, I want a family. My life isn’t controlled by sexual feelings. I tried for a damn long time to convince myself that I was straight and it almost killed me.

So no, What I am feeling is not a sin. If I were to believe in your god, I would live knowing that GOD MADE ME GAY AND LOVES ME BECAUSE I AM NOT AFRAID TO BE MYSELF OR CONDEMN OTHERS FOR ACCEPTING THE GIFT THAT GOD GAVE THEM.

If you are going to hardheartedly support this new ordinance, than please remove me. My LDS friends posting how “Accepting” and “Tolerant” that this is. You are blind to your faith. I am not “Over reacting” and I am not “reading too much into it”. I read it all. I did my research. I was not affected first by my peers. I Read this from Deseret news, not fox news.

This makes me extremely GLAD that I am not LDS. Because a loving god, a benevolent god, or a family oriented god, would NEVER have asked this of his children.

I believe that this is inherently WRONG. And I am not saying that out of anger. I am saying this because of how people are reacting to it.

Family first always.

There are families already tearing apart because of this. One parent trying to make sure that the other parent will never see their children again because of this.

The friends I am referring to. You know who you are as we have had issues in the past.

LDS SUPPORT

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#7 Friendship

For most of my life, I have not had many friends. I had a couple here, a few there… But they were always moving in and out of my life for various reasons. I have had more than my fair share of users in my life—people that pretended to be my friends only to stab me in the back later. People like that really make it hard to trust others.

However, if we do not learn to trust, we will not make any friends in life, and friends are important; in my life especially. Without friends, I would not be alive today. A few very important people in my life have helped me to be who I am and where I am today. Without them in my life, I could be a very different person, or possibly not even exist.

I have been lucky in my life. When I needed support the very most, someone came out of the woodwork and was there to help me through some of the hardest times of my life. I may feel alone sometimes, but I do believe that everything happens for a reason.

Friends are in our lives for both us and them. Being a good friend means helping them as much as they help us, sometimes more; and we help each other in different ways. A friend who helps me with rides around gets emotional support and a lunch buddy in return. A friend who offers me times of laughter gets a baby-sitter as payment. A friend who supported me in many ways emotionally gets a patient friend that will always be willing to help in a time of need.

Friendship is a symbiotic relationship. It is about give and take and without both you have a rotting core that will give out eventually.

Eh

I’m not sure where I was going with this. Hope you all find something to be positive about today.

Goodnight.

The Resident Femme

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#6: Mental Illness – Part 2: The difference between “Emo” and Depression

(Read part one here)

As a life-long sufferer of dysthymia (chronic minor depression), I have experienced the phenomenon of being referred to as “emo”. My goal today is to explain the difference between “emo” (emotional) and depression.

These two terms are widely different, almost opposite.

Emo: the act of being overly emotional. Using “heightened” emotions as a possible way to find both positive and negative attention. This sort of behavior CAN stem from depression based on certain problems, but is generally just teen angst.

Being “emo”, one is generally fairly /active/. They—those that are considered “emo”—are fairly forward in their actions and behavior. Everything tends to be a melodramatic, over-exaggeration and over the top reactions. Everything is intensely one thing or another and there is never usually an in between. Everything could be considered a tragedy.

I will repeat: teen angst.

Depression, however, is much more complicated. Depressed is not the same as sad, or emotional. Sad is a specific emotion, and depression consists of … duller? emotions; sometimes a lack of proper emotions at all. There is a huge lack of motivation, energy, hope, etc. . . One is trapped in what seems to be an endless cycle of internal pain, confusion, hopelessness, and sometimes fear.

When people who are depressed “react” things are generally less dramatic, but more helpless. They are not fishing for attention, just feeling hopeless and lost. There are few people whom they will feel motivated to talk to, usually they won’t even let people know of their symptoms. These people tend to be quiet, reserved… And accused of being “emo”.

I speak from experience here, though my words may seem distanced. My depression has basically been my whole life. I didn’t really know that there was more than my lack of “normality”. I was diagnosed with Dysthymia February of 2014. I was sitting in the psychiatrist’s office and he asked me when my last happy memory was.  I couldn’t immediately pull up a happy memory. I sat and thought for a long while and still couldn’t really bring anything up.

Now, let me  go off for just a moment, not everyone understands depression. I have been told by several different people to just “get over” my depression. For some people, as I have mentioned in a previous post, depression hits as a “one off” thing. They have a passing down-ness and can get passed it rather quickly. However, every single person deals with life in a different way.

For one thing, our bodies are built differently. Balances of emotions, hormones, life experiences, and more, help to determine how we can handle our lives. So those that don’t understand the overwhelming control that depression takes over its sufferers should not criticize those that are there.

Now, to return to my story: The psychiatrist asked me several other questions and determined that I have dealt with chronic depression since early childhood. Though I didn’t want them, I was prescribed anti-depressants. My first couple days I felt very strange… I felt like something was wrong with me, and this was wrong.

Even now, if I want to remember something happy from my past, I have to think really hard for several minutes, and even then, the memories are short and vague.

In high school I was a little melodramatic, most of us are. However, I kept mostly to myself. I didn’t have many, if any, friends. Either I did not eat lunch or I ate alone. Typically I either sat in my class or reading in the library. I honestly kept to myself a lot of the time. I tended to wear darker colors because it was easier. Fewer decisions and bright colors got you noticed.

I was not, however, an over-the-top attention-seeker, not intentionally.

Taking this to the next step, I also have PTSD. The symptoms of this caused me to sometimes act out in strange ways, these could appear to some to be attention-seeking behavior. These actions were usually reactions to my anxiety, flashbacks, high stress levels, and trying to find ways to make the internal pain go away.

After I was raped, My behavior got more confusing. Brace yourself, this is where I get “crazy” though I am not supposed to use that word… in the raw sense of the word, at the time, it was true.

My logical self didn’t know how to make sense of what had happened to me. My OCD intensified. I was “dirty”, I was “broken”, I was… those were thought of a self-punishing, PTSD-triggered OCD, Dysthymic, scared woman.

I was alone for the first time, living in a freshman dorm, and for a long time I was “that strange girl” (honestly I have been that girl all through my school career, because I didn’t know why I acted the way I did. I own it now and thrive off of my differences.) It took me overly-long to admit to myself that I wasn’t at fault. Sadly I kept my secret for several months more, wondering why no-one liked me, why I wouldn’t make friends.

One night, a hall-mate burst into my room while I was crying and demanded that I talk to her. Bless her heart. I finally had a support. My story flowed out of me through broken memories that couldn’t have made much sense to her, but she pulled me into her arms, held me while sobs racked my small body. She repeated to me again and again that it wasn’t my fault. I wasn’t broken. I wasn’t dirty. I was strong, and beautiful, and confused. It was the first time I had gotten so much out and I had gotten love in response.

She gave few enough details to others in the hall that she considered close friends, just enough for them to understand why I was so “strange” but not enough for anyone to have any ammo to judge me. I honestly don’t know what she told them, but suddenly I had friends. Over the next few days I was approached by different people insisting that if he ever showed up to the school, they would tear him apart.

For the first time in my life I felt accepted, welcomed, protected, by friends. I think I have gone off on a tangent. The point of all of that was to attempt to give you an insight into how I lived with my depression. Understand that even now: I struggle with my depression every day. I have a combination of both therapy and anti-depressants… but that doesn’t make me weak. Even though I am still fighting my depression, I am not a lesser person I am still fighting. I am strong.

The most important thing to understand: depression is an illness and it cannot change overnight. Those with depression need support and love. Do what you can to try and make their day a brighter one by being supportive. KNOW that they may not have a different attitude that day, but know that they felt your love. I know that it’s a tiring process. Trust me: I know. But do not doubt that they are also tired of being depressed. If we could change at the drop of a hat, we would.

If you yourself, or someone that you know, has issues understanding depression or how depression affects others, and this post did not help, I urge you to read or share part 1 of the mental health series. Thank you.

I encourage you to comment: agree or disagree with me. I will try to explain everything in a scientific way if needed.

Thank you.

(Read part three)

The Resident Femme

*Note: I may not be a medical professional, but I have lived with depression my entire life.

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