Where Have I been?

Well, shit. I had half of this typed out and then my computer crashed and for some stupid reason, auto-save got nothing. So I am going to try to remember what I typed and try again.

Life is crazy. This is not really an exception for anyone. But when you live with chronic illness, you have even more insanity ruling your day to day life. Also: Severe writers block. I wanted to write, but writing just wasn’t happening. And this was in all forms—okay, almost all, but typing in a chat is very different than everything else. I have only just started to go out and make friends again as I have lost most of what I had to misunderstandings and non-acceptance of my current medical and mental health.

I know this isn’t really an answer yet, but bear with me a moment.

It has been just over a year since I last posted, so where have I been?

In the last year I have had 3 surgeries, I have had several diagnoses given and taken away over and over, and I have lost many friends.

What I know about my health:

What I knew before: Psoriasis, Asthma, Scoliosis, Migraines, Hypoglycemia,

What I have found out the last couple of years:

I have gastroparesis – I cannot digest food properly on my own.

I have Endometriosis.

I may or may not have Crohns disease

I have Psudo-seizures–this basically means that the doctors don’t know what causes my occasional seizure activity, only that it is non-epileptic. I did have one EEG that was borderline, which is odd. It was also the closest EEG that I have had to a seizure, so that may have something to do with it, I don’t know.

Last January I had serious seizures while coming out of anesthesia from one of my surgeries. I was given a dose of Ativan to try to gain control of the situation, I did not respond to the medication. A second dose was administered which sent me into respiratory failure. I was “hand-bagged” for 30 minutes until they got me stabilized and I was able to be moved into ICU.

I only remember flashes of what was going on. Someone calling my name again and again. A woman saying “It’s been five minutes, here she goes again.”, Coming to slightly and asking for my mom but being told no, feeling like I wanted to cry.

The next thing I knew I was in a strange room with lots of wires. My friend was sitting next to my bed. There was a mean nurse. I remember being told to try to pee, and nothing happening. And a catheter.

Wanting to sleep but someone kept poking my head. Flashing lights. Being in pain.

I honestly don’t remember a lot. The poking and the flashing belonged to an EEG, which came out borderline epileptic, however, I was not told anything about it until months later when I talked to my neurologist about the results.

This isn’t the full list, I’m sorry, you don’t get to know all the answers. I don’t know everyone who reads these and only certain people get all the details of what goes on in my life. If you have a question, feel free to ask.

Time goes on and I realize that it has been a ridiculous amount of time since I have posted. My two other surgeries went fairly well and I have recovered by this point.

I still don’t have all the answers, and I suspect that I will probably end up AWOL again, don’t judge me too harshly for it, I am just one person struggling to survive.

A Girl on the Edge of the Wild.

–The Resident Femme–


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