A follow up to “Rape and Self-Defense”

Read the Original Post.

After receiving a very nasty message I wrote the following. This is a clarification and a defense of what I believe in. I am not going to back down. I won’t name the person who snidely told me that women don’t need protecting. I believe that they do. I believe that everyone does at some point.

I want to make one thing very clear right now.

I see so many things going around online that state that women shouldn’t have to learn self-defense or purchase products to protect themselves; that parents should just be teaching their sons not to rape.

First, not all rapists are men.

Second, not all rapists had bad families.

Third, not all attacks are attempted rapes.

Fourth, everyone should know how to defend themselves.

Is teaching your children not to rape going to stop rapes? Sadly, no.

Is it going to stop muggings, break-ins, terrorist attacks, kidnapping, etc. No. It might lower it by a small degree. But sadly, this is what living in a community does. There are going to be the crazies and the violent people. There are going to be those desperate enough to hurt others regardless of the consequences.

Taking the time now, to learn how to protect ourselves, can be the difference between life and death later.

I won’t claim that I am not a little crazy; I think that most of us are. But I had to learn my lessons the hard way. I know way too many people that were raped or attacked violently.

If you think that you don’t know anyone that has been raped, you are wrong. If you believe that rape is not real, you are deluded.

Over the last several days I have had several women contact me. I have been told again and again how they are confused about whether or not they had gotten raped. “He told me that he didn’t hear me say no.”, “I was really drunk, but…”, “I mean, I said yes at first, then he didn’t listen to my no.”, “Why didn’t I fight him?”,

And then I had the amazing stories coming down to me. People asking me if it was okay if they asked me questions about what happened to me, if it was okay if, when they saw me, they gave me hugs. I was told how my strength helped them to see that they are not alone.

I don’t feel strong, but I know that I need to be able to stand up tall enough to help my sister; to help my mother; my best friends; strangers. Because when you share your story publicly, even small parts, like I do… People tend to come out of the wood work and unintentionally lean on you.

As much as I want to help everyone, I can only give a few suggestions and then move you on to where I believe you can get more help.

Also, a huge thank you to everyone that has sent their love and support to me, you are all amazing.

So, soberly I will say again: EVERYONE needs to learn how to defend themselves. Period.

The Resident Femme


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  1. Pingback: #15 Rape and Self-Defense | Confessions of a Lipstick Lesbian